My kids!! Everything I am is because of them. They provide inspiration, strength, the will to persevere against incredible odds. Not once but many times have they provided a respite from the crazy doc’s office! They are my being..
Freedom as Expressed…
..is thru the exercise of commerce in the pursuit to better ourselves and our families and in turn our country, FREEDOM that is bought and paid for with our Founder’s Blood and Honor.
When someone speaks of “sacrifice,” I wonder what they mean?
Banner Logo for this site is my Son. He is My Hero at 17, in this picture, signing his Oath of Inlistment. He is my contribution to America. He is MY COST for BECOMING AN AMERICAN…
My appreciation and awe at this young man is endless…. I have no words to describe him as MY HERO..
To My Son- You’re the Best!
Originally written July 16, 2008
To My Son, You’re the BEST!!
How could I ask for anything more from God?
When I look at YOU, given me my wish,
I know HE gave to me everything HE had!!
Where did the days go?
Did I miss a week?
It seem the day is always here,
Every day is the day- when you had to leave
If this was all on me to decide
I will keep you with me all the time- by my side.
Now a Soldier you are- out of my hands you go..
Blessings; from a Mother who loves you so!
If I could I would send the Angels to walk every mile with you,
My thoughts are there with you every day,
I will keep you safe and snug and warm in my heart, I love you that much;
I will say a prayer every day and every night-
Proud- the mother to a Soldier standing tall for what’s right;
You my Son, I hold in my heart as such!!
I will miss you so terribly, I will wonder all night-
Whether you’re tired, or are you eating right?
Have you had time to read a book today?
That is, was your favorite rite.
But the worst that can be- is that I am torn
Between the thought of stopping you, and letting you go…
Stopping you because I have this notion,
That you still need my Mom protection!
I know you’re growing up, making decisions
I know it is for your own good, to go stand up, to defend, to do your mission-
I know being a Soldier makes a Boy into a Man
I know also, my dear Son- that you have the stamina, the brain power to say “I can”.
I know the world is yet somewhat unknown to you- a world uncaring, unknowing, ungrateful
I know in your training, they will make you tough, make you unfearful.
I know your qualities meet the demand; daring, stoic, quiet and observant,
I know you’re resolute and stern; why they only have to tweak you a little to see,
I know fully- with flying colors you’ll pass the test to be In The Navy!!
To your Mom this is tears, scare, sleepless nights,
Missing you, pain in the gut and deep sighs;
Altho’ my Big Boy I know I must be like you-
It’s just that in my heart I feel- I still have some Mothering to do!!!
Solace and comfort maybe, a little distant is a thought-
I KNOW I HAD PREPARED YOU TO THE BEST THAT I CAN;
PRAYERS TO GOD FOR YOUR PROTECTION-
THE REST MY BOY- IT’S ALL UP TO YOU!!!
WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD AND BEYOND,
Your Mom!!
*********************
Tell Me Now
Tell me now while I am alive
Tell me now while I am sane
Tell me now while I am vigorous, youthful and gay…
Tell me now while I know right from wrong,
Tell me now while I can discern light from dark..
Tel me now while I can recognize YOU!
Tell me now…
I will tell you-
I am afraid!
I am consumed with worry for the day’s coming
-when I no longer am,
The person I am today..
What will it be in my old age-
When I look back to my youth-
My actions, my contributions,
Will I ask–did I do enough?
Did I contribute to your growth
-to the point where it mattered most?
Please tell me now…
When I find myself
On that proverbial rocking chair-
When I look back
Will I have enough memory in my brain
To keep my fondest thoughts of YOU
-my love and life?
I ask- is it really true-
You see your Life pass in front of you
-on your dying day?
If it is true-what is my Life like?
Will I recognize me? Do I know myself?
What is my story, will I still know?
Please tell me…
How about You- My Son and My Daughter-
When we are on that last day-
How would you see me, how did you see me when…
How do you see me now?
Did YOU like what I did?
Did YOU love what I did?
Please tell me now!
As I sit here- looking at my words-
I think of YOU.
It makes me cry-
The thought that you may not know- you may never know
How hard I tried my darnedest best
-never for me, ALWAYS FOR YOU!!
Summer Time… Summer Trip… Sad… Life…
It’s Summer time once again.
Why I feel sad, depressed almost, when I come to this blog site is a wonder to me…
This is my “home”- this is where I could write my feelings, express them…
I think that I will keep this site to myself…and when the time comes- I will direct the kids to here to read what I’ve been up to… sad maybe because it is just me in here. I have my “outside” face to the world, this is my inside face. Only for me. A little corner that I own. I know someday someone would get in here since I had left it open to the world–for now it is just mine, I am alone here, by myself.
Me Mine Myself. M.
Summertime–yes. Just like it’s sad to watch the leaves fall in the Fall. Go out there and feel that crunch under your feet, look at the dull sky, feel the chilly wind on your skin, saddened by the dark day. Why is this world so? It makes me feel sad to think about that.
That sticky leaf old Maple Tree in the front yard at Lucille Ave. The crown got so big and heavy with leaves. Then it’s all over the street in the Fall. The gay man across the street did not like it at all. He’ll stand there with his leaf blower and blow it back our way…ugly man!
It was very nice that one time when it snowed. Two feet deep in some places, more in others. The snow mixed with the leaves of that old Maple Tree….
That night it was very very quiet–so quiet it woke me up. The dogs were not barking. There were no midnight bird calls. Sometimes there were- not that night. I didn’t hear the rustling of leaves of the tall Pecan tree in the backyard. Maybe because all the leaves had fallen already. No whistling of wind. It was deafening stillness. It was an alarming quiet. There was something weird going on outside. Something wasn’t right. This deafening quiet and stillness was what woke me up. I was drawn to the double doors that separated my bedroom from the Gazebo the kids used to cool off in the Summer. I waved the drapes with my left hand. I looked outside.
WOW!!! My heart jumped!!
I was woken up perfectly in time to witness a miracle…such beautiful scene. Now I know where those beautiful postcards were made, in nature. Just think- it is in my backyard!
What’s the fuss about snow? Well- I’ve heard from the old timers in the area that this was only the second time it snowed here. Beautiful. Haunting. Sad…
I look back to the meaning of my life. It was for them.
Now- Summer. Time to do our annual Summer Birthday Trip. To Las Vegas, yes. I don’t really care that it was Las Vegas. It was a place we adopted. We liked it, we have memories we formed of the place, of the times we had there.
The kids had grown so fast. I would have loved it if they stayed 1 1/2 and 3-year olds. I remember I carried Nick on my back as a baby. He was 1 year old. Could barely walk. Trina was almost 3 years old. She held on to my hand as we walked The Strip at 9 o’clock at night, just after the sinking ship show at Treasure Island. One kid on my back, one kid on the hand waddling trying to keep up but how fast can a 3 year old walk? Ha ha! On another shoulder the baby bag I carried with bottles and diapers… I didn’t have the little Plymouth Sundance red little car I had. Their father went golfing and took it. The kids and I went to dinner, the 3 of us. Then we started the arduous walk “home”. “Home” for a week is the Polo Towers right across the street from Boardwalk Hotel and Casino, right beside the Monte Carlo. How long is that in miles I don’t know. All I know is it took us 2 hours to walk it.
I wonder if this Boardwalk Casino is still there. I’ll make mental note to check when we go this Summer- July 21. Nick’s birthday is July (funny that i always had to look at my book to make sure I write the correct date) twenty-nine. Oh yes, the twenty-ninth.
This Summer trip is different. This time they are on the cusp of adulthood and independence. My worry is “did I do enough to get them ready for that?”. Did I give them enough pointers on Life, how to live. It’s easy to tell them “how-to”….but did I actually give them guidance enough?
I want to talk to the kids about a lot of things….make sure they go out ready. I just hope I can get them ready enough.
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